Facebook to Sell Targeted Ads in Your News Stream

Facebook will soon have targeted ads in your news stream. Why do I make this baseless1 claim? Allow me to direct your attention:

Facebook has proposed an updated Statement of Rights and Responsibilities that bans sponsored status updates. That indicates two things:

  1. Facebook is contemplating commercial messages in the news stream.
  2. Facebook doesn’t want competition. If anyone’s going to make money off advertising in your stream, it’s going to be Facebook. Don’t believe Facebook is looking out for its users in banning these third-party ads. Facebook is looking out for numero uno.

Facebook believes it knows best. They ignored all the complaints when they changed the user interface. Now, Facebook isn’t responding to requests to block quizzes in the news stream. What does this have to do with ads? Once again, two things:

  1. Facebook is good at ignoring what its users want. Ignoring all the requests for blocking quiz results is just good practice for ignoring all the requests they’ll get for blocking ads. If Facebook caves and lets us block quiz results, that will set a precedent for letting user control their news feed. They obviously can’t have that.
  2. Facebook wants these quizzes in our news streams. Facebook knows these quizzes make our news streams gutters of suck. If our streams get bad enough, Facebook knows we’ll willingly welcome anything for a break from the quizzes, even ads. We’ll be like watchers of reality TV, anxiously awaiting the next commercial break.
    Think about it. Facebook knows where we went to school, where we work, and our religion affiliations (or lack thereof). Facebook knows who our friends are and our relationship statuses. Facebook knows what we look like and where we live. Imagine looking in your news feed and seeing ads for:
  3. Weight loss programs. After all, your pictures show you’ve gained weight and you’re a fan of Weight Watchers.
  4. Hair loss treatment. Again, your pictures rat you out. If software can detect a face it can’t be hard to create software to detect bald spots. With a little tweak, the software would know from the baseball cap you wear in every single picture that you’re follicly challenged as well.
  5. ED treatments. Hopefully, your pictures don’t reveal your need for this product (please!), but a heuristic analysis of your age, relationship status, and your compensating automobile purchase (okay, your pictures do give you away) will still provide a reasonable target demographic.
  6. Plastic Surgery. Yup, blame those stupid pictures again. Try not to take offense when the ad specifically mentions your turkey neck, thick thighs, or flat chest.
  7. Divorce attorneys. At first this seems a little harder to target. But take your relationship status, mix in a psychological analysis of your status updates and they might get lucky. Throw in all your  “private” messages and “discrete” chats with members of the opposite sex (or same, if your profile so indicates) that are not your significant other, and luck goes out the window. Facebook has you nailed.
  8. Religious tracts. Did you go to a religious private school? Unwilling to list your denomination? Are you a fan of an atheist page? Facebook knows and can sell targeted access to your stream. For an additional revenue opportunity, Facebook could up-sell these ads so they come knocking in pairs.

What ads do you expect to see in your news stream?


  1. Okay, I got nothing… ;-) 

Facebook, Pretty Please?

My poor Facebook friends. I put up with their incessant quiz results. They get to put up with my whining about it. One Facebook friend of mine (Hi, David!) questioned whether Facebook is even aware of the issue. Ha! (If you’re logged into Facebook, click here.)

Okay, time to make sure. Do I get bonus points for asking on Twitter? I said “please.”

Facebook, We Have a Problem, And a Solution Exists

deadhorsebeat_2 At least, it could…

I rant about all of the stupid quizzes on Facebook. I bet some of my friends wonder why. How about a simple demonstration — a list of all the quizzes that have “graced” my news feed (and that I blocked).

I have hope (some, at least…). Facebook could let us define our newsfeeds to include only the items that interest us. For example, I like to see status updates, photos, links, and notes. I don’t like to see apps and quizzes.

Facebook lets me see only status updates, or only photos, or only links, or only notes. Just not all of them in the same stream.

Yeah, I’m grumpy. :-/

On with the list:

  1. “Which molecule are you?”
  2. Are You A Good Seventh Day Adventist?
  3. Are you a Mac or are you a PC?
  4. Are You a MORON?
  5. Are You a TRUE Pacific Northwesterner?
  6. Are you Demi, Selena, Miley or Taylor?
  7. are you hot, cute, or nto so good l…
  8. Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
  9. Can you finish the lyrics?
  10. Do You Make A Better Man or Woman?
  11. Dr. Phil’s Personality Test
  12. Driving Test
  13. Dumb Blonde Test
  14. GoToQuiz Polls and Quizzes
  15. How ______ are you?
  16. How Addicted to Facebook are you?
  17. How American are You?
  18. How Asian are you?
  19. How Blonde Are You?
  20. How burmese are you?
  21. How Californian are You?
  22. How Californian are you?
  23. How Common is your name?
  24. How Fresno are you?
  25. How fun are you?
  26. How Gay Are You?
  27. How GIRLY Are You?
  28. How good is your medical knowledge?
  29. How Italian are you?
  30. How Korean Are You?
  31. How long would you survive in a hor…
  32. How Minnesotan Are You?
  33. How Much Are You Worth??
  34. How much do you know about Social Work
  35. How much of an Oregonian are you?
  36. how OCD are you?
  37. How Old Do You Act?
  38. How old do you look?
  39. How Oregon Are You?
  40. How Pacific Islander are you?
  41. how pretty are you?
  42. How random are you?
  43. how tall are you going to be?
  44. How VIOLENT and ANGRY are you?
  45. How Well Do You Know Me?
  46. How Well do you know Women??
  47. How well do you remember the 80’s?
  48. If I were a dog quiz
  49. If you were a soda, which would you…
  50. In your circle of friends, who are …
  51. Indian & Bangladeshi food
  52. IQ test
  53. IQ Test
  54. Is there a Painter Within? What is…
  55. LivingSocial
  56. Personality Test
  57. Personality traits by birth month
  58. Quizopolis
  59. Seriously which state should you li…
  60. Sex and the city – which one are you?
  61. Sex Position Quiz
  62. That’s not even a question.
  63. The Brain Game
  64. The Hardest Quiz On This Website!
  65. The Hardest Spongebob quiz ever!!!
  66. The Political Idealogy Quiz
  67. The True Age Test
  68. weSocial Quizzes
  69. What ‘Big Lebowski’ character am I?
  70. What “Periodic Element” are you?
  71. What % Gay are you?
  72. What 70’s t.v. show character are you?
  73. What 90’s Nickelodeon tv show chara…
  74. What 2009 Song Are You?
  75. What 2009 song are you?
  76. What ACCENT should you have?
  77. What Actor are you?
  78. What Age Will You Get Married?
  79. what aniaml are you?
  80. What are the initials of the person…
  81. what are you born to do?
  82. What Beatle song best describes you?
  83. What Bible Character are You?
  84. What Calvin alter ego are you?
  85. What Calvin and Hobbes Character Ar…
  86. What Car fits you the best?
  87. What cell phone should you have?
  88. What Children’s Book Are You?
  89. What Chinese Symbol Are You?
  90. What Circle Of Hell Are You In?
  91. What classic Disney movie describes…
  92. What Classic Pokemon are you?
  93. What color are you?
  94. What color are you?
  95. What color crayon are you?
  96. What color is your heart?
  97. What color sharpie are you?
  98. What Color Should You Get in Your H…
  99. What colour are you?
  100. What colour is your heart?
  101. What colour is your soul?
  102. What Cute Love Quote Are You
  103. What Death Note character are you?
  104. What Decade Fits Your Personality B…
  105. What Desperate Housewife are you?
  106. what disney character are you?
  107. What do others see in your eyes?
  108. WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF YOU AT FIRS…
  109. What do your eyes say about you?
  110. What do your eyes say?
  111. What does the week you were born sa…
  112. What does your birthday mean?
  113. What does your birthday say about you?
  114. What does your siqn say about you…..
  115. What Dog Breed Are You?
  116. what dress are you?
  117. What drug are you most like?
  118. What ethnicity are you, REALLY?
  119. What famous artist are you most like?
  120. What Famous Movie Is That Line From?
  121. What hair color should you have?
  122. What is God’s gift in you?
  123. What is the picture of your mind?
  124. What is the theme song of ur life???
  125. What is your greatest fear?
  126. What is your Hippie Name?
  127. What is your Maturity level?
  128. What is your ministry calling?
  129. What is your patronus?
  130. What is your personality type??
  131. What Is Your Theme Song?
  132. What is your true age?
  133. What is your true love’s name
  134. What Kind of -oholic are you?
  135. What kind of dragon are you?
  136. What kind of girl are you..??[only …
  137. What kind of mask do you wear?
  138. What kind of mom are you
  139. what kind of soul do you have
  140. What kind of storm are you?
  141. What label are you?
  142. What light do you bring to the world?
  143. What Lord of the Rings Character ar…
  144. What Name Brand Are You?
  145. What nationality are you?
  146. What nickname best fits you? (Girls…
  147. What Number Are You Thinking?
  148. What Prince song are you?
  149. What Princess Bride character are you?
  150. What Random Object Are You?
  151. What Religion Should You Be?
  152. What rock band are you?
  153. What Room Style Are You??!!
  154. What season are you?
  155. What Sex and the City character are…
  156. What Should Your Dissertation Topic…
  157. What should your major be?
  158. What Should Your Parents Have Named…
  159. What should your parents have named…
  160. What Sport Were You Born To Play?
  161. What Star Trek character are you?
  162. What State should i live in?
  163. What Taylor Swift song are you?
  164. What type of anger do you have?
  165. What type of flower are you?
  166. What Type Of Girl Are YOU!
  167. What Type Of Girl Are you?
  168. What type of Jewel are you?
  169. What type of person are you?
  170. What Type of Personality Do You Have?
  171. What type of shoe defines you?
  172. What type of woman are you?
  173. What U.S. state do you belong in?
  174. What Winnie the Pooh character are …
  175. What Winnie the Pooh character are …
  176. What Work of Literature Are You?
  177. what your attitude says about u
  178. What’s the first letter of the pers…
  179. What’s the first letter of the pers…
  180. What’s your Actual Age?
  181. What’s Your Bible IQ?
  182. What’s your geek level?
  183. What’s your life rated? (G,PG,PG-13…
  184. What’s your Native American Indian …
  185. What’s your old lady name?
  186. What’s your perfect outfit?
  187. Whats The Annitials Of The Person Y…
  188. Whats your hidden talent?
  189. When will you get married?
  190. Where are you meant to live??
  191. Where in the World?
  192. Where should you live in Utah?
  193. Which 60’s subculture would you bel…
  194. Which 80’s band are you?
  195. Which Andy Griffith Show Character …
  196. Which BADASS thing are you?
  197. Which band would you be in?
  198. Which Beatles song Are You?
  199. Which Beatles song are you?
  200. Which Beatles Song Best Describes You?
  201. Which Car suits your Personality?
  202. Which Celebrity Are You?
  203. Which celebrity should you marry?
  204. Which celebrity would play you in a…
  205. Which celebrity would play you in a…
  206. Which Classic Hollywood Actress Are…
  207. Which Classic Muscle Car Are You?
  208. Which color best suits your persona…
  209. Which color is your aura?
  210. Which corny pick-up line suits you …
  211. Which country girl are you?
  212. Which crazy bitch are you?
  213. Which Disney Princess Are You?
  214. Which element are you?
  215. Which Evil, Evil Person in History …
  216. Which Famous People Share Birthday …
  217. Which Firefly Character Are You?
  218. Which flower are you?
  219. Which Food Network Personality Are …
  220. Which Founding Father are You?
  221. Which Gay Icon Are You?
  222. Which Golden Girl are you?
  223. Which Great Philosopher Are You?
  224. Which historical female figure are …
  225. Which historical figure are you?
  226. Which is your Dream Home?
  227. Which is your dream house?
  228. Which Jedi Are You?
  229. Which legendary warrior are you?
  230. Which Liquor Are You?
  231. Which Looney Tunes Character are you?
  232. Which man of the Bible are you most…
  233. Which Marvel Superhero Are You?
  234. Which mean girl are you?
  235. Which model are you?
  236. Which Monty Python and the Holy Gra…
  237. Which Nintendo Character Are You?
  238. Which of Rose’s dogs are you most l…
  239. Which of the “Seven Princesses of P…
  240. Which One Tree Hill girl are you?
  241. Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz?
  242. Which Peanuts Character Are You?
  243. Which philosopher are you?
  244. Which Psychotherapist Are You?
  245. Which punk rock star are you?
  246. Which secret society should you bel…
  247. Which side of your brain is dominant?
  248. Which Skakespearean quote are you?
  249. Which Star Trek: The Next Generatio…
  250. Which total badass are you?
  251. Which Transformer are You?
  252. Which TV Mom are You?
  253. Which US President are you?
  254. Which Veggie Meat are You?
  255. Which X-men character are you?
  256. Who are you…. really?
  257. Who Is Your Celebrity Twin?
  258. Who Is Your Disney Prince?
  259. Who is your soulmate??
  260. Who Should Direct the Movie of Your…
  261. Who Were You In A Past Life?
  262. Who’s Your Hollywood Hunk?
  263. Whooooooo r u
  264. Why kind of guy do YOU attract?
  265. Your ideal job.
  266. Your Name in Pictures
  267. Your Personality Color

beat-dead-horsePlease note: these are only the quizzes. I have a lengthy list of blocked apps as well.

1. You get bonus points if you recognized the “beating a dead horse” animated gifs are different at the top and bottom of this post. I figured you needed some reward for making it all the way down here. It’s all I got.
2. Yeah, this list was already out of date before I could publish it. Another stupid incoming quiz.
3. #getoffmylawn

Dear Facebook and Friends

Those of you on Facebook know what I’m talking about — those friends who want you to know what tree they are most like, what their IQ is (yeah, right…), what letter their true love’s name starts with, what their political persuasion is, their favorite dessert, etc., and all because of some quiz they took on Facebook.

I wouldn’t mind as much if these friends actually took the time to write a note and tell me something about themselves. But quiz results? No thanks.

Facebook is to blame, too. The could make it so I could block all quizzes in one fell swoop. But no…

So Facebook friends, this unsolicited feedback is for you.

Yeah, I know. I can block all the quizzes by clicking on “status updates.” That also blocks photos, videos, links, and notes. Unacceptable.

Fix it, Facebook!